Motherhood: Exposing Women for Who They Really Are
“You’ve really got your hands full with that one,” I heard her say as my son screamed and threw himself on the floor in the middle of the cosmetic aisle at Target. I’d made him put down a hairbrush he had been holding and, like a typical 16-month old child, he didn’t really appreciate that. The woman who commented on his behavior looked a little older than me, and her comment caught me off guard. Sarcastic by nature, I wanted to ask her if her comment was meant to criticize or meant to build me up? I wanted to ask her if she thought she was telling me something I hadn’t yet considered. Instead I smiled politely, picked him up off the ground and walked away. Her words stung and I could feel the lump in my throat as I walked toward the register, my son still screaming, I just wanted to get back to the car. If I’m being completely honest, I really wanted her words not to have hurt me the way they did.
The truth is, I have had those same thoughts throughout my son’s short 16 months. As much as I know we shouldn’t compare our children, my older son was much more verbal at his age and much better at articulating his wants and needs. As a mother, at times I have struggled with the patience that is needed to try and help my sweet boy identify what he is feeling and learn to express it appropriately. Being short with my children comes as naturally as my sarcasm, and Satan loves to use those moments of frustration to wreak havoc in my heart. Like that woman’s words, I tell myself things that are untrue and ridiculous all the time. One moment of weakness and I can twist a whole scenario into a situation where I’m certain my words or actions will drive my children straight to therapy when they are older.
In her book, 936 Pennies, Eryn Lynum writes, “Before we ever enter the realm of parenthood, people tell us how hard it will be. They’ll tell of sleepless nights and toddler tantrums, of teething and fevers, of bullies on playgrounds and difficult friends, of teenage rebellion and first dates. But the knowledge that not many of us walk into parenthood equipped with is just how much raising children will strip us of ourselves. We come into this job wholly unaware of how deep our anger can burrow, how loud our voice can raise, and how short our patience can run. And when those dark parts of us make themselves known in the quickest of moments, we reel back, feeling completely exposed for who we never knew we were.”
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
2 Corinthians 10:5
For many of us, parenthood; specifically motherhood, can be a very lonely journey. It’s a journey that can make you, should make you, fall to your knees on a regular basis – it’s a journey that was meant to be walked with Christ. Yet, more often than not, we try and control as much of it as we can. It’s in my weakest moments; the moments where others share their unsolicited advice or when I feel Satan trying to bring unnecessary guilt and shame into my heart for something I’ve said or done that I am beginning to see Christ more clearly. It’s not always easy; but speaking truth to myself over and over again allows me to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ.
If you find yourself nodding along to my words, let me help you speak truth over your heart and mind right now; let me help you understand how motherhood is meant to expose you for who you really are: You are a daughter of the King. You were created in His image. You are wholly loved and redeemed. You and your children were made specifically for each other. God entrusted you with your children while on this earth; knowing all you were and were not capable of. He already knew where you would falter and where you would succeed; He doesn’t make mistakes.
Sometimes we over-complicate our roles as mothers. Many of us read all the books, listen to all of the podcasts and do all of “the things” to ensure we are raising kind, empathetic children who become good citizens of the world. Here’s a secret: you only need ONE BOOK to do that. It is far more important to raise children who know Christ as their Savior. You see, if our children know Christ and know who they are in Christ, then they will become kind and empathetic citizens of the world.
My job starts with knowing who I am in Christ and my job description and role are outlined beautifully in the Bible. I’m given a very clear command on how to raise my children (Proverbs 22:6), I’m given an outline of how to set a noble example for my family (Proverbs 31), I’m given examples of personality traits that I should strive for (Galatians 5:22-23) and guidelines on how to get through my days (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) and the reason why we’re given these opportunities in the first place (1 Corinthians 10:31). The plain and simple truth is that this work is challenging work, but it’s challenging for a reason. Could you imagine if we all had motherhood figured out? The praise and honor we would give ourselves; the way we would glorify ourselves, would leave no room for Christ.
Later in her same book, Lynum says, “The Bible tells us that children are a blessing. Sometimes blessings come in disguise. I now see it – that the blessing moments are not only wrapped up in the sweet cuddles, story times, “I love you’s,” or for mornings when everyone gets along and there is no bickering to be heard about who’s toy belongs to whom. No, the blessings are also buried deep in the trenches – in the groggy mornings, in the guilt-ridden moments after we yell hard and sharp, in the pain-stricken faces of our children when their feelings are hurt by a friend, in the fearful evenings when they don’t come home by curfew, in the uncertainties surrounding so many decisions we make with these 936 pennies – these all hold potential for blessing, because they shape us into who God wants us to be. They are His tools to hone and craft and chisel away all that is not of Him or His plan.”
Maybe you haven’t heard this in a while, but allow me say what the woman in Target should have thought to say: “Mama, you’re doing a great job. Each season holds its challenges, but you and God are an amazing combination. Be encouraged, you can do this!"
May we all be reminded and encouraged that God uses each and every moment to refine us and teach us more about Himself, allowing us the beautiful opportunity to draw closer to Him in the most intimate of ways. The next time you find yourself frustrated by a challenge of motherhood, or the next time someone shares something with you that is less than comforting, take a deep breath and pray a prayer I often find myself saying on repeat, Father, bless them, change my heart/attitude toward this situation and let me learn and draw closer to you. Amen